just with those, at what point should i stop?

well i tried that and i eventually reached 0.400 on MCH and 1.40000 on Vcore and did the computer get unstable, hell yeah, restarted during prime , up until then it was just showing the typical error fatal error rounding........etc

at 3.65ghz ran prime and after 24mins first error appeared this is with vcore and mch back to start of settings 1.35 vcore and 0.250 mch and the rest as appear in the first post, i think something else migh need some twinkling with

another update running prime at host clock set to 425.01 * 8.5
so far temps at 94 degrees after about 30 mins, but no errors

94 degrees?get out of there its gonna blow!!!u are gonna have a degraded cpu with so hi temps/volts!see here about that AnandTech: Intel's 45nm Dual-Core E8500: The Best Just Got Better!

You've lost me completely now,thought you were at 3.8k ??
well at those temps & 3.6k you can forget about 3.8
You'd do better going back to your stable 3.4k.
dropping the memory strap as i said above , so that ram won't be an issue & try increasing the fsb & testing small fft. if it crashes or fails prime , then try increasing Vcore &/or mch.
You may find increasing the FSB OverVoltage to +0.20v might help.
You'll need to watch the CPU temps. I'd think about stopping with max temps at around 60~65C

When you've found your max CPU speed then we can look at increasing ram speed & stabilising that.

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i made some changes to your settings u can give them a try:
PCI Express Frequency (Mhz).......: 103
C.I.A.2...........................: Disabled
Performance Enhance...............: Standard
System Memory Multiplier (SPD)....: 3.33d
Memory Frequency(Mhz).............: 1333 1493
DRAM Timing Selectable ...........: Auto
Standard Timing Control
CAS Latency Time (tCL)............: 9
DRAM RAS# to CAS# (tRCD).........: 9
DRAM RAS# Precharge (tRP).........: 9
Precharge Delay (tRAS)............: 24
Advanced Timing Control
ACT to ACT Delay(tRRD)............: 4 AUTO
Rank Write to READ Delay (tWTR)...: 5 AUTO
Write To Precharge Delay (tWR)....: 18 AUTO
Refresh to ACT Delay (tRFC).......: 74 AUTO
Read To Precharge Delay (tRTP)....: 5 AUTO
Static tREAD Value (tRD)..........: 18 AUTO
Static tREAD Phase Adj............: 8 AUTO
Command Rate (CMD)................: 2 AUTO
Clock Driving and Skew Control
CPU/PCIEX Clock Driving Control...: 800mv
CPU Clock Skew Control............: 200ps
(G)MCH Clock Skew Control.........: 200ps
CPU GTLREF1 Voltage*.......(67%)..: NORMAL
CPU GTLREF2 Voltage*.......(61%)..: Normal
System Voltage Control () = Base Voltages
DDR3 OverVoltage Control...(1.50v): +0.10
PCI-E OverVoltage Control.,(1.50v): +0.10
FSB OverVoltage.......... = 1.15v.: +0.20
(G)MCH OverVoltage Control,(1.25v): =0.250
Loadline Calibration..............: ENABLED
CPU Voltage Control...............: +1.35000v
....Advanced Bios Features
Limit CPUID Max to 3..............: Disable
No-Execute Memory Protect.........: ENABLED
CPU Enhanced Halt(CIE)............: Disable
CPU Thermal Monitor................: Enabled
CPU EIST Function.................: Disable
Virtuaalization Technology........: Disable

well i found most stable i can get with my current understanding of all this is 3612.55mhz (425.01x8.5)
and ram is currently at 3.33d rate so i think maybe i should just leave it unless anyone has any concrete ideas that will work in theory i would greatly appreciate the assistance, but for now, maybe thats all i can get, maybe ive reached the sky with this comp... anyhow thanks guys

thank supershank and unstable hero

i throw in the towel at 3.6ghz and 1490 ram

So what are your temps like now on load?

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well today is a hot day(summer here) and the computer has been running over 2 days without break, the current temp according to coretemp is 51 margain dropping lower

at load if for example i run stress test from prime , temp would reach 70-74 for a while